Giving in to Temptation – An Interlude
by Redheadlass
Summary: OC Jessie decides to take a path of trouble during the break between Season 3 and 4. Follows existing Supernatural story line. Spanking. Spoilers for Season 3 and 4. Many of the scenes come from the flashbacks in Season 4, Episode 9: I Know What You Did Last Summer. Complete
1. Chapter 1 - Temper, Temper

It had been a month since we'd lost Dean. I was in a daze. I don't remember much of that time, except the smell of alcohol and the road stretching out in front of me, the feel of tears on my cheeks, and a blur of motel rooms, each blending with the others into a cacophony of color, smell, and sound. Sam was driving us from town to town, city to city, searching for a way to bring Dean back from Hell, but he was failing.

And Sam was falling apart. He tried not to let me see it, but I lived with him. There was no way I was going to miss it. He'd go out after I went to bed and buy a bottle of something, bringing it back to drink in front of the television or the fire or whatever book he was buried in trying to find a way to bring Dean back, until he'd crash early in the morning and sleep until noon or sometimes later.

I couldn't blame him. I slept a lot too, sometimes just lying in the motel bed staring at whatever water spots were on this motel's ceiling, thinking about Dean and my parents until Sam would wake up to the sound of my crying and climb out of his bed to pull me into his arms and comfort me.

He had his drinking and I had my tears. We were a sorry pair. Then one night, he broke.

We were staying in a really craptastic motel and had been for three days. The paint was chipping off the walls, the place was filthy, it only had one twin bed, and the refrigerator was from the fifties. At least it had a refrigerator. Sam was buried in some books on demonic and hell lore, ones that he'd read before but was going back over in case he missed something. Like Sam ever missed anything…

I was flipping through channels on the television. This place had basic cable, which meant Nickelodeon, and they were playing reruns of Invader Zim, back to back. I lay down on my rollaway bed and settled my head on my hands to watch.

"Jessie, please find something else to watch," Sam said about an hour later, taking a swig from the bottle on the table. "I can't concentrate with that on."

"It's the middle of the day," I said, not looking away from the television. "There's nothing else on."

"Then go find something else to do."

"There IS nothing else to do," I responded grumpily.

"Jessie…" Sam said, still not looking up from his book.

"Ok, FINE!" I snapped. I turned off the television. "Can I go outside, then?"

"No, I don't trust this neighborhood," Sam said, flipping a page.

"Then why the hell did you plant us here?" I asked, swinging my feet off the bed and standing up.

"Because it was cheap," Sam said.

"Of course," I muttered. "Why would you consider anything else?"

Sam stopped reading. "What has gotten into you?" he demanded. "Just read something, or find something else to watch. I didn't tell you to turn it off." He finally looked up from his book.

"I'm bored and you won't let me do _anything_!" I said, my hands clenching into fists at my sides. "You plopped us here in the middle of a bad neighborhood and go over the same books again and again hoping to find _something_, _anything_ to get him back to us, and there's _nothing_." My voice was rising in despair. "You're Sam Winchester! You don't _miss_ things! You remember _everything_! You're not going to find anything in there!" I trembled with anger and upset, my head spinning a little.

"Jessie, calm down," Sam said. He stood up, but I turned, ran into the bathroom, and slammed the door, locking it behind me. I dropped onto the floor by the tub and cried into my hands. I missed him so much and there was nothing I could do to get him back. It wasn't fair! Why did I have to lose everyone?

A couple minutes passed, and then there was a soft tap on the door. "Jessie," Sam said in a soothing voice. "Come out here, honey."

"No," I said through sobs. Nothing he said or did could make me feel better, and I knew it.

"Come on, come out. You'll feel better. We'll get out of here. Maybe go to the library?" Sam suggested in a cajoling voice.

My heart jumped and then sank as I realized something. "Why?" I ground out, wiping away my tears. "So you can look for more books on how to get him back? You can't get him back! You spent months looking. There's no way! Just leave me alone!" I could feel my heart pounding. I was so mad.

"Jessie," Sam started.

"Screw you!" I screamed at the door.

There was nothing for a couple of beats, and then Sam said, "Jessie, you have until the count of three to get out here. I'm losing my patience with you. There's no excuse to talk to me that way."

I didn't move. He could go fuck himself.

"One," Sam said, drawing out the word. Butterflies started in my stomach, but I ignored them. I scooted back so that I was between the tub and the toilet, wedged in tight. Let him come get me. He was going to have a fight on his hands if he did.

"Two," Sam said. I watched the handle on the door twitch, the edges of my vision a little hazy. The handle stopped moving, and he said, "Young lady, if you don't open the door before I get to three, I will pick this lock, and then you will be very sorry."

"Go to hell!" I screamed, heat and anger drowning me.

"Three," he said. One second later, the door had popped open and Sam was standing in the doorway, his jaw twitching. I braced my arms against the toilet and the tub, ready to put up a fight, wanting the fight. I was so angry.

He took two steps into the room and grabbed me around the waist, lifting me. I struggled to brace myself, to keep him from getting me off the floor, out of the corner, but my arms and legs were no match for his strength. He lifted me as easily as a sack of flour, tossed me over his shoulder, and trapped my legs against his wide chest. "Calm down," he said. "You're glowing."

"Let me down!" I screamed, ignoring him and punching his back ineffectually. I tried throwing myself to the side to roll off his shoulder, but he held me there easily. He sat down on his bed and I struggled against him as he dropped me onto his lap and brought his giant paw down on my butt, hard.

"Calm down, young lady," he said, spanking again and again. I tried to crawl off his lap, but he held me there easily and continued to spank me. I squirmed and wiggled and screeched and kicked, but he didn't stop and he didn't slow down. His hand just fell again and again over my jeans.

Finally, when I'd stopped struggling and had started crying, he started talking as he spanked. "All I asked you to do was find something else to watch on television and you throw a temper tantrum. I don't know what has gotten into you today, but it stops now. No more temper tantrums, no more screaming, no more calling me names. I've had enough. You will behave yourself or you will end up back over my knee. Do you understand me, young lady?"

His hand had not stopped falling. "I…" I said, the burning in my butt distracting me from what he was saying. "I can't think!" I yelled, pulling the bedspread into a ball underneath me.

He paused. "Do you understand me?" he repeated.

"Yes, Sam," I said after a second of fighting to remember what he'd said.

"Good," he said, bringing his hand down again. "No more attitude, no more arguing, no more fighting with me today, or you're going back over my knee. I'm tired of it."

"Yes, Sam," I gasped out. He stopped spanking and helped me sit up, pulling me into his lap to hug me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"At least we know another way to stop your glow now," he said me. "What got into you?" Despair rushed through me.

"Oh, god, Sam, I miss him so much!" I said and cried into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held me to him, kissing the top of my head.

"All right, since the library is out, let's go to a movie. Ok?" Sam asked when I'd stopped crying and was just leaning against him. "You want to go see Kung Fu Panda?" I nodded. "Ok, go wash your face and we'll go."

He was very sweet to me the rest of the day and I behaved myself, ashamed of how I'd acted. He took me to the movie and then out for dinner. After dinner, he took me to a cleared construction site to burn the brush there, and then we headed back to the room. It was getting late.

"Get ready for bed," Sam said. I was exhausted. The day's exertions had worn me down. I took a shower and put my pajamas on without argument. Sam tucked me into my rollaway and put my snowman next to me. I wrapped my arm around it and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, Sam. You didn't deserve me acting like that," I whispered.

"It's ok, honey," he said, kissing my forehead. "You're a good girl. You're just dealing with a lot of grief. Go to sleep. I need to go out to take care of something, but I'll be back in a few hours. Call me if you need me, and you can go to the front desk if you need help immediately."

"Will you be back by morning?" I asked. He stroked my hair.

"Well before," he said. I closed my eyes and was almost instantly asleep.


	2. Chapter 2 - An Unwelcome Guest

Someone put a hand over my mouth, hard. My eyes flew open, and I was staring into the blue eyes of a blonde woman. I started to struggle away from her, but she shoved a knife under my chin and I froze, terrified.

"Jessie," she said. "Sam's little orphan. Where is he?" I shook my head. She pressed the knife harder against my neck. "You don't know or you won't tell?" she purred, lifting her hand so I could speak. I took a breath and swallowed.

"I don't know," I said. I was too afraid to say anything more. She shoved her hand back down hard on my mouth.

"That's all right. If you're here, he'll be back soon enough," she said, smiling. "Tie her up. Make sure you gag her, too. Wouldn't want her Daddy Warbucks to have any warning."

A man came around from behind her and yanked me out of the bed. He tied my hands behind me with rope and put a cloth in my mouth, tying another cloth over my mouth to keep it there. He tied my ankles together and ran a rope from my wrists to my ankles so that I couldn't get them back in front of me. He pushed me down on my rollaway, covering me up with my blanket like I was sleeping. They left me there and took positions in the room with a clear view of the door, but where they wouldn't be seen when Sam came in. The guy was behind the door and the woman was off against the wall.

I'd no idea who they were. I'd never seen either of them before. Apparently, the woman knew who I was. How could I get out of this? I needed to warn Sam but I was trussed and tucked. The bonds holding me were tight. I was scared.

I wished for the gazillionth time that I had more control over my abilities. If I did, I'd be able to use just a little bit of fire to undo my bonds or to leave a signal for Sam outside the window or something. Instead, if I tried to light anything on fire, I'd burn the place down, and all the people in it, except me, of course. I didn't want to kill a bunch of innocent people.

Instead, I wiggled around until I could reach my ankles with my hands behind me and started working the knot. It took forever. I wasn't good with knots to begin with. I swore that as soon as this was over, I was going to start learning how to better control my fire and how to untie knots without being able to see them. I'd practice constantly.

I'd managed to untie the rope that went from my wrists to my ankles when the door opened and Sam stumbled in, obviously drunk. I started making noises around the gag and tried to sit up to warn him, but the guy jumped him. The woman joined in and Sam identified her after a second as Ruby. She told him that Lilith had tortured her in hell and then had given her another chance if she killed Sam. Sam told her to do it, bracing himself for the impact. Ruby pulled back the knife and went to stab Sam. I screamed into the gag.

She plunged the knife into the chest of the guy who was holding Sam back. The demon inside the guy died, the body falling to the floor. Ruby told Sam to grab his keys because we needed to go now. She stalked over to me and untied me, pulling me to my feet. "Grab your stuff," she told me.

I looked at Sam. He looked stunned, staring after Ruby like he was trying to make sense of things. "Sam?" I asked in a small voice, uncertain what to do. He nodded at me, so I shoved my stuff into my bags while Sam did the same. Ruby helped him. Still wearing just my PJs, I followed them down to the Impala. Ruby got in the front with Sam, and I climbed in the back, flinging both bags onto the floor. Sam started driving.

Ten minutes later, Ruby was giving Sam crap for not thanking her, implying that she had done all these things in hell to make it up to Lilith just so she could get back out and return to help Sam. Sam was mad, that kind of angry that's cold and calculating. He wasn't buying a thing she said. He told her that if she couldn't help him get Dean out of hell, then he didn't want her help. I almost cheered.

Sam pulled over and told her to get out of the car, that he had no use for her. He told her to let the secretary she was riding go or he'd send her back to hell. Ruby threw back her head and black smoke flew out of her mouth. I shrieked and pushed myself into the corner of the car behind Sam to get away from her.

The secretary was alive but unconscious when Ruby was gone. Sam checked her pulse and drove her to the nearest hospital in silence. He dropped her off at the emergency room and got back in the car.

"What now?" I asked him.

"Now," he said, "I drive far away from here and you try to get some sleep."

"Are you ok?" I asked. He nodded.

"Go on, honey. Lie down and see if you can sleep. I'll wake you up when we get somewhere safe."

I pulled the blanket that we kept in the car over me and lay down on the backseat. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before I asked, "Sam, where were you?"

Sam sighed. "I just had some things I needed to take care of, honey. Everything is ok."

"But, you wanted Ruby to kill you. You told her to. You didn't even try to stop her," I said, softly. Sam's jaw tightened a little, but I couldn't read his face. I could only see the side of his head.

"I went to talk to a crossroads demon," Sam said, "to try to trade places in hell with Dean, but he wouldn't take the deal."

Fear flooded me. "You were going to leave me here?" I asked, tears rising to the surface.

"No, honey. I was going to trade places, get Dean back so that you could be with him, and then I could take his place," he said. "It was stupid. I didn't want to leave you. I wanted to save Dean."

"Is that why you were drunk?" I asked.

Sam nodded once, sharply. "I'm here for good, though. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to take care of you now. Ok?"

I thought about that. "But if Ruby had killed you…" I said, the panic not yet gone.

Sam sighed and said, "Sometimes when you're sad, you do stupid, self-destructive things. That's all that was. I'm sorry, Jessie. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere."

I sat up and climbed over the front seat, bringing the blanket with me, and curled up against Sam. He put his arm around me.

"Promise me," I said softly. "Promise you won't leave me here all alone. Promise."

"I promise," Sam said. I looked up and saw tears in his eyes. "I'll stay and take care of you."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him. He hugged me back as he drove. Then he tapped my shoulder. "Put your seatbelt on," he said.

I smiled, fastened the seatbelt, and pulled the blanket back over me as I leaned against Sam.


	3. Chapter 3 - An Unwanted Addition

**Sorry it took me so long to update this week. If only all my time could be spent writing... Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

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Sam found us an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. He turned on the water and settled me into one of the rooms with a bedroll. I hated when we stayed places with no electricity, but I didn't complain. Once he'd checked the place out, he crashed pretty hard on an old couch that was in the living room.

He slept for six hours. I spent some of that sleeping, too, and some of it sitting next to him on the floor, afraid to let him out of my sight. I spent some of it playing with my Game Boy. I spent some of it reading. I still had that book that I'd taken before Dean had died. I still thought the author was full of it, but some of these ways to use my abilities could really be helpful when hunting, like melting metal, creating a wall of fire, or creating a fireball. Just reading about them made me want to be able to do them. The guys would have to let me help if I was able to do that stuff.

I thought about that for a minute and decided I was probably wrong. Their objection to me helping had less to do with my lack of skills and more to do with them just not wanting me to get hurt. I sighed. It would still be cool if I could do these things.

I wanted to try now, but I knew that Sam would be mad at me if I broke the one of the first rules I'd ever gotten. I knew I should call Bree about it, too. That's what Dean would have wanted me to do. I really didn't want to, though. Remembering Dean made my heart hurt and the idea of talking to anyone but Sam right now was just exhausting.

I cried a little, quietly so I wouldn't wake up Sam. Dean was gone and Sam was a little crazy. My world was upside down. Sam had promised he wouldn't leave me alone here, but would that just fly out the window the next time he got drunk? He'd promised Dean things before too and not followed through.

Sam woke up right when I was getting hungry. He ordered pizza and dragged me out to pick it up. I was happy to get out of the abandoned house for even those few minutes. Once we'd eaten, he dragged in a bunch of guns from the back of the Impala and started cleaning them on the table, taking swigs from his bottle while he worked.

"Can I help?" I asked, leaning against a chair and watching him. I expected the normal 'no' that I always got when I'd asked Dean, but Sam shrugged.

"You remember everything Dean taught you about this?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "He wouldn't let me shoot until I'd learned and cleaned every part of a revolver, not that I ever got to shoot…"

Sam reached over and pulled out the chair next to him. "Then you can help."

A little while later, someone knocked on the front door. I jumped and set down the revolver I was cleaning. Sam motioned to me to stay, set down the gun he was cleaning, and picked up the shotgun that was next to him on the table before heading to the front door.

It was Ruby. She'd taken the body of a coma patient and told Sam, as they came back into the room where I was, that while she couldn't bring Dean back, she wanted to help Sam kill Lilith. Sam looked at me. "Jessie, go outside and find something to do, run or go for a walk."

"Sam," I started, not wanting to leave him here alone with this manipulative bitch.

"_Now_, Jessie," he said. I got up and slid out of the room, going to the front door. I opened it and waited a beat and then closed it. I slipped into the room across from the door as I heard Sam guess that Ruby wanted him to use his psychic powers and told her that he was ready.

I was stunned. I only half-listened as they argued about how they were going to do it. After all the speeches, all the lectures about how supernatural beings just wanted to use you, Sam was going to give in and let this _demon_ use him, the worst of the worst. Second, Sam had _psychic_ powers? What the hell? If he had psychic powers why the hell did the pawn me off on Bree to teach me how to control mine?

I felt betrayed and very, very worried.

I sat in that front room for an hour listening to Ruby work her wiles, explaining how he could use his abilities to pull a demon out of a human host and kill it. If he practiced, his abilities would grow and eventually he would be able to pull Lilith out and kill her. Ruby explained technique and timing and all sorts of things. My stomach roiled and my anger grew.

Eventually, I got to my feet and crept to the front door, opening it and yelling, "Sam, can I come in now?"

Ruby stopped talking, and Sam said, "Yeah, come on."

I shut the door and walked down the hallway, into the main room. "What's going on?" I asked, as if I didn't already know.

"Ruby is going to help me find Lilith and kill her," Sam said. I dropped into the chair next to the table, resisting the urge to yell at him about having psychic powers when I knew I wasn't supposed to have been listening.

"She's a demon," I pointed out, trying to maintain my calm. "You told me that demons just want to use you up for their own purposes, that they trick you and lie to you, and that they use your weaknesses against you. Why are you helping her?"

"I'm not helping her," Sam said. "She's helping me."

I stared at him in shock. I didn't understand. "You couldn't kill Lilith with Dean's help and the knife," I said. "How are you going to do it with her?"

"I have these powers," Sam said. "I've never used them deliberately and they went dormant when the demon that killed our mother was killed, but Ruby says she can show me how to use them to kill demons."

"Sam, why are you explaining yourself to her?" Ruby asked, annoyed. "She's a kid. Just tell her to get lost."

"Hey," Sam said. "She deserves an explanation. She deserves to know what's going on, to understand. You leave her to me."

Ruby held up her hands. "Fine, sorry," she grumped. She dropped into the chair across from me, and I glared at her. She ignored me.

"I don't understand," I said, finally looking away from her. "Dean didn't want you to have anything to do with her and she can't get Dean out of hell. Why are you going to work with her?"

"Revenge, sweetie," Ruby purred. "He wants revenge against the demon who took his brother, and I'm going to help him get her."

"Ruby," Sam sighed.

"Dean wouldn't want this," I said again.

"Dean's gone," Sam said, "and it's Lilith's fault."

I rubbed my neck. "I don't understand," I said.

"Trust me, Jessie. It's going to be ok," Sam said. "I promise." I looked up at him with wide eyes, and he came over to me and hugged me.

"Ok," I said uncertainly, hugging him back.

Sam told me to go find something to do while he and Ruby talked some more. Eventually, we went out to eat dinner, and when we got back, he shooed me off again. I wasn't happy with this turn of events. It was obvious he didn't want me to know what he and Ruby were talking about, and now that they knew I was in the house, they were keeping their voices down. Annoyed, I spent some time cleaning out my bags. My clothes bag wasn't too bad, but my school bag was filled with random bits of food, papers, and other debris. I dumped the bag out on the floor and sorted through the books.

I was going to have to ask Sam to stop at a used bookstore again soon to trade out my paperbacks. I was in the middle of my last one. I stacked the two I had finished off to the side, and then stacked my schoolbooks in a pile. I hadn't touched them in months, except the Language Arts book, and I was going to have to return them at the end of summer when I picked up next year's books. Among the detritus in the bottom of the bag was a hamburger bun in a wrapper, packets of salt and pepper, and five or six candy bar wrappers.

I vaguely remembered saving the hamburger bun several weeks ago. It was dried out and moldy now, crumbling some when I unwrapped it. I wrinkled my nose. Ew.

"Jessie, bedtime!" Sam hollered from the other room where he was _still_ talking to Ruby. I sighed.

"I need to burn something first," I hollered back. I heard his chair scrape back and his steps come down the hallway. I turned as he came into the room.

"Well, come on then," he said, holding his hand out to me. "What's all that?"

"Crap that was in the bottom of my butterfly bag," I said, getting to my feet.

"A hamburger bun?" he asked. "That's disgusting."

"I know," I said. I gathered up the trash. "I'm going to burn it all."

"Maybe throw it away sooner next time," Sam suggested mildly. He led me outside and pulled the little brazier and the charcoal bags out of the trunk. I dropped the trash on top of the charcoal and stepped back.

Glancing at Sam for permission, I opened the furnace and pushed my fire into the charcoal. The charcoal flared and caught the trash on fire. As the hamburger bun caught, my entire body started tingling, from the bottoms of my feet to the top of my head. I gasped and looked at Sam, but he was looking at the house where Ruby had come out on the back steps. I ran my hands up and down my arms. The tingles persisted for the few seconds until the hamburger bun was gone, and one last flash spread through me, seeming to flow up from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head. Then it was gone.

Sam went to put another bag on the brazier for me to burn, but I shook my head. "I'm empty," I said with wonder. "I don't need any more. We should save those for tomorrow."

Sam looked at me. "Only one?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Guess so."

"All right," Sam said, sounding concerned. "Let's get you to bed."

He followed me back into the house. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and put on a nightshirt before heading back into the main room to say goodnight to Sam. Blatantly ignoring Ruby, I hugged Sam and kissed his cheek. He got up from the table and followed me into the room where my bedroll was.

I crawled under the covers and he felt my head and my cheeks as he tucked me in. "You don't feel sick," he said.

"No, I don't," I said.

"From six bags to one is a huge drop," Sam said. He tucked my snowman next to me. I shrugged.

"I dunno," I said. "I'm tired Sam." He kissed me and left. I closed my eyes.

_"You need me, my child?" Gabby asked._


	4. Chapter 4 -An Unreliable Overture

_I blinked. "What?"_

_"You burned the bread and the salt," she explained. "You called me."_

_"Oh," I said, confused. I looked around. I was back in the cottage, in the same clothes. Gabby was in the same clothes. A clay pitcher sat on the table. I reached for it and poured a glass of what looked like milk into one of the clay cups next to it. I took a sip, definitely milk._

_Gabby tilted her head, looking concerned. "Are you all right, my child?"_

_I clutched the cup in both hands and stared into the milk. Tears fell from my eyes, one plinking into the milk. "No," I whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you…"_

_Gabby took a step towards me. "My child, you can always call me. What is the problem?"_

_I ignored that question for a minute. "Did… uh… Is that why I only needed to burn off a little bit of excess tonight?" I asked._

_"It did take some of your power to call me," Gabby said. "So, I think that the answer is yes." Her eyes narrowed slightly in thought. "Do you need to burn off your 'excess' as you call it every day?"_

_I nodded. "Otherwise I set fires around me while I sleep." _

_She took another step toward me and when I didn't react, another, until she sat down in the chair next to me and put her arm around me. "My dear child, that is barbaric. A priestess of mine should never have so little control!"_

_I flushed, holding the cup tighter. "It's the only way I know," I said._

_"Is this why you called me?" Gabby asked._

_"I didn't mean to call you. It was an accident," I said. Now that I was thinking about it, I remembered what she had told me in my last dream: throw bread and salt in a fire to call her and repeat the blessing. "I didn't say the words," I said. "'Sacred Gabija, be satisfied.' I didn't say that."_

_"My priestess, the power you sent out with the offering was more than enough. You obviously needed me. Tell me why," she whispered, sliding her hand onto my neck and pulling me to her. She was warm and soft. I took another sip of the milk._

_"Dean is gone," I said, tears filling my eyes and my voice cracking. "He's gone to hell. I'll never see him again, even if I die, even if I go to heaven." I wiped my eyes and Gabby handed me a bright red kerchief. I clutched it in one hand as I continued. "Sam…" I said. "Sam is seeking the help of a demon to get revenge, using his powers to kill the demon that dragged Dean to hell. But all she's going to do is try to trick him, get him to do something that condemns him, too. Dean told him not to, but he's still going to do it." My voice caught. "He won't listen to me."_

_Gabby's gentle hand caressed my shoulder, turning me towards her, offering me comfort. I sighed and leaned into her softness. "My child," she whispered into my hair, "let me comfort you. Let me help you. Let me teach you. I can show you so much. You do not need to depend on these frail humans who will only let you down."_

_Her words shot through me like an arrow. What the hell was I doing pouring my heart out to her? Dean had told me; Sam had told me. I jerked away from her, dropping the kerchief and the cup. The cup shattered, the milk spattering on the wooden floor. _

_"No," I said. "You'll only lead me astray. Dean said you'd only lead me astray."_

_Leaning back in her chair and no longer touching me, Gabby laughed. "My child, my priestess, lead you astray? How? I am trapped here. I have almost no power in the modern world. My influence can only spread when I am worshiped, when bread and salt is burned and the blessing is spoken, by more than just you."_

_"People still worship you today," I said. "The Wikipedia said so. Some Lithuanian people will still burn bread and salt at their hearths."_

_"In the winter," Gabija said. "Or when they are having a meal cooked over fire, but most use modern stoves, electricity or gas. My worshippers have thinned and the times they call upon me are few and far between. I am powerless. You do not need to fear me."_

_I stared at her. Could she be telling the truth? I remembered how afraid I was for Sam, what he had told me about demons and goddesses tricking people, what we had talked about when we talked about my weaknesses: my lack of control over my fire, my temper, my desire to help them hunt, my desire to keep them safe, my lack of concern for my own safety, the feeling of immortality that someone my age has, my need for love and acceptance. None of these were necessarily bad things, he'd said. They were just the things that someone could use to manipulate me. I needed to be aware of these things so I could tell when someone was manipulating me._

_Was she manipulating me, or did she actually want to help me? I didn't know. I needed to talk to someone about it. I decided not to decide tonight. _

_"Gabby," I started. _

_She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Gabby?" she asked, her voice rising a bit._

_I flushed. "Sorry," I said. "I just… I call you that in my head."_

_Her eyes narrowed. "To mock me?"_

_Well, yes, but I wasn't going to tell her that. "No," I said, thinking fast. "Because I feel like I can talk to you if I think of you as a Gabby and not a Gabija."_

_She looked at me for a second longer as if trying to decide if I were lying. I tensed waiting for her judgment. "I do wish for you to feel as though you can talk to me," she said after that second passed. "I would rather that you call me Gabija or 'my goddess', but if you must…"_

_I relaxed, but decided to just not use her name if I could help it. I didn't wish to anger the goddess and there was no way I was going to call her 'my goddess.' "You can teach me to control my flame?" I asked softly. _

_She leaned forward in her chair and put her hand on my knee. "My child, the things I can show you. There is so much, but first I need to get a sense of what you can do. I need you to allow me inside you, to feel your furnace."_

_I blinked at her. "What?" I asked._

_"I need to know the extent of your abilities," she said, eagerness in her eyes. "I need to see what you can do before I can teach you to control it."_

_The fierceness and hunger in her eyes scared me. It was like she was starving and I was her meal. I swallowed. "I don't think that's…" I started. _

_As I spoke, she shook herself and sat back in her chair, closing her eyes halfway. "I apologize," she said, interrupting me. "I did not mean to frighten you."_

_I shut up and looked at my feet. "I don't understand," I said. "If you gave me my abilities, how can you not know what they are? What I can do?"_

_She sighed. "I merely unblocked the passage in you, letting the fire out. I do not know how deep it goes."_

_I tried to run my hand through my hair, but ran into the wreath of yellow flowers on my head. I'd forgotten it was there. I pulled it off my head and dropped it on the wooden table. "I need to think," I murmured._

_A look of frustration crossed Gabby's face and was gone so fast that I thought I might have imagined it. "Of course, my child," she said. "You know how to call me when you need me, yes?"_

_I nodded. She smiled, but it didn't seem entirely sincere. "Return to me soon, my priestess. I will think of you while you're gone."_

_I sighed. "I know I'll be thinking of nothing else but you," I said. She waved her hand._

And I woke in my bedroll. Moonlight streamed through the windows, decorating my bed and me with lines of dull grayish-white light. Listening, I could hear Sam and Ruby still talking faintly. I considered going to Sam and telling him what had happened. If Ruby hadn't been there, I definitely would have. I'd've been waking him up if he were asleep, telling him everything Gabby said, asking for his advice.

But now, Ruby was there and I didn't like her. I didn't trust her. I couldn't because Dean hadn't. My hand went to the pendent I wore around my neck always, even when I showered. I twirled it in my fingers. I missed Dean so bad.

I couldn't talk to Sam, not about this, not until I knew what was going on with Ruby, if he was trying to use her for his own purposes or if I'd lost him to her influence. I sure hoped it was the first and not the second.

Because if it was the second… well… I didn't really have anyone left to turn to.


	5. Chapter 5 - A Hopeful Confession

Sam was asleep on the couch and Ruby was gone when I woke up the next morning. The first thing I noticed was that his bottle, the one he'd been carrying around like a talisman for the last month, was gone, too. I guessed he'd taken Ruby's demand for sobriety to heart. I scrounged up some breakfast for myself from the food that we had and got dressed to go running. I left a note for Sam on the table and headed outside.

He'd really picked a house in the back-ass of nowhere to hole up this time. Half the house was covered in vines and plants, and there was an ancient realty sign in front of the house. I doubted that they were still actively trying to sell it, which was probably why he chose it. The back yard had several trees and a large, ramshackle old shed. Woods stretched out behind the house, with a trail that went through them. I headed towards the woods at a jog.

With Sam and Dean training me pretty regularly over the several months, I was much more physically fit than I'd ever been, and I wanted to stay that way. Sam had said lots of times that sometimes the thing that made the difference between living and dying was just being able to run a little farther or a little faster than the monster.

The trees stretched out to the left and right of me, and I followed the dirt trail through the woods until it ended at water's edge. A small lake spread out at the end of the trail, dirt surrounding it, with a thin line of grass before the trees started. I smiled. Maybe tomorrow, I'd go for a swim. It was the middle of June after all.

I ran around the lake once before heading back to the house to do a bunch of other exercises, like sit-ups, pushups, and squats. I found a tree with a branch I could pull on and tried to do some chin-ups. I really wasn't good at those. When I was done, I went inside and took a shower.

I'd spent the entire time thinking, zoned out and trying to make a decision. What the hell was I going to do? Should I tell Sam? Should I keep it to myself, let Gabby read me, and then let her teach me how to control my fire? And then there was Ruby. I hated her. I didn't want her around, and I didn't want her near Sam. I couldn't trust Sam when she was around.

I'd come to no decisions, but I knew that I wanted to talk to Sam. When I got out of the shower, I got dressed and went back into the main room. Sam was awake and looking through a book.

"Hey Sam," I said, dropping onto the couch next to him. His hair was still sleep-mussed. I cuddled close to him and leaned my head against his shoulder.

"Morning, squirt," he said. "You go running?"

"Yeah, there's a trail and it goes to a little lake. I ran around the lake and back, and then I did the rest of my exercises on the lawn."

"Good job," he said. "You sleep ok? We didn't keep you up, right?"

I frowned. "No," I said. "Sam…"

"Ruby's on her way here," he told me, interrupting. "We're going to work on strengthening my abilities today so I can go after Lilith. You be nice to her while she's here, ok?"

I sighed. "Yeah," I said. "But before she gets here, I need to tell you something."

He finally put the book down and looked at me. "Sure, what is it?"

I opened my mouth to tell him about my dream, but Ruby knocked on the front door. Sam held his finger up. "I'll be right back," he said, getting to his feet and heading towards the front door.

I sighed again, defeated, and headed to the room where I kept my stuff. I dug my ropes out of my bag and went back into the main room to sit on the couch and practice knots. Ruby came in carrying three or four bags of stuff. She set them on the table and then started telling Sam that they needed to set the house up with devil's traps and salt lines. She didn't even notice me, and now that she was here, Sam was paying even less attention than he had been.

They spent some of the day setting up the house, including drawing a devil's trap in front of the fireplace in the main room, and then Sam banished me to another room while they talked about what he had to do to use his powers. I practiced knots, played my Game Boy, and read my novel, listening to the faint sounds of their voices as they talked.

The pressure in my head grew and grew as the day passed, and by the middle of the afternoon, my head started pounding. I struggled to hold it in, because Gabby had said that I didn't have very much control, but it wasn't working. Finally, even though I'd been banished, I went in search of Sam.

Unsurprisingly, he was in the main room with Ruby. She was explaining something to him, but the pounding in my head was louder than her voice, the whoosh of my blood turning into a steady drumbeat. His back was to me, so Ruby saw me first.

"Sam told you to stay in the other room," Ruby started, annoyance in her tone.

Sam turned around and saw me, immediately getting to his feet. "Oh my god, Jessie. Let's get you outside."

"It hurts, Sam," I said, as he hustled me out the back door. He grabbed the fire extinguisher from the steps and threw the five remaining bags of charcoal into a pile on the lawn. I thought vaguely that it probably wasn't enough, but my head was pounding and I just needed to get it out. I held on until Sam had stepped away from the bags, and then I aimed at the charcoal and let go.

The initial whoosh was too much and the charcoal disintegrated under the flash. I panicked when I realized I had way more in me than the charcoal could take, that I was going to end up setting the lawn and probably the house on fire. My eyes shot to the ramshackle old shed and it burst into flames. The wood disintegrated, the shed collapsing into itself, but it was still burning, still letting me pour my flame into it. I pushed and pushed, the wood disappearing into ash as a machine of some kind came into sight, the metal glowing red hot from my flame. I pushed into the machine until I was empty.

For once, I was still standing when I was done. I blinked several times. Sam was just finishing putting out a swath of grass that spread from the pile of charcoal to the shed way at the back of the yard. He turned to look at the shed, but the fire there was out, only the machine heated to red-hot temperatures.

He came back to me. "Good thing that baler was there," he said. He pulled me to him, and I sagged into his strength, wrapping my arms around his waist. "You ok?"

"Yeah," I said. He stroked my hair.

"Was this because you only burned up one bag of charcoal last night?" he asked me softly.

I shook my head against his stomach, realizing I had his attention for the first time in a couple of days. "Gabby came to me last night," I whispered. I weakly waved my hand behind his back. "All of this happens when I see her. She… I don't know… overfills my furnace? Or something."

He hugged me tighter and then let me go, crouching down in front of me to meet my eyes, holding my hand. "Did you use the dream root?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"She said I called her, when I burnt up that trash from my bag, the bread and the salt packets." I said. "But I didn't mean to. I didn't know. I didn't say the blessing, but she came anyway. That's why I didn't need to burn so much last night. She said that my flame was used to call her instead."

He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing in thought. "What did she want?"

"To know what's wrong," I started.

"Sam," Ruby said, interrupting me from where she stood at the door. "If you're done with your firestarter, we need to get moving."

Of course she'd interrupt. I sighed in defeat. I expected Sam to go to her, but he didn't. Instead, he said, "I'm dealing with something right now, Ruby."

Ruby huffed and said, "Daylight's burning. If we don't go soon, we'll have to go tomorrow."

"In a minute," Sam said. He met my eyes again. "What else?"

Hopeful that he would help, I said, "She wanted to help me learn how to better control my flame. She said she needed to see how deep my well was before she could do that, though."

"What did you say?" he asked, concern creasing his brow.

"I said no. I wanted to talk to you first," I whispered.

"Good girl," he said. "Don't call her again, ok? And if she somehow still manages to turn up in your dreams, you just keep telling her no." He went to stand up, and I clutched at his hand.

"Sam, what if she tries to make me? I can't do anything to her. I can't even wake up when I'm talking to her. She keeps me there. I need to keep her away from me!" Panic laced my voice. I felt like he was dismissing me.

"Ok, honey," he said, looking down at me. "Here's what you do. If she comes to you again on her own, then you tell her you're still deciding. Think up some questions to ask her, and act indecisive. You've got the power there right now. She needs you. You don't need her. I'll start looking for something that will keep her away from you."

That made me feel a little better. He was going to help me. I sighed in relief. "Thanks, Sam," I whispered. "I won't call her again if I can help it."

He hugged me to him and kissed the top of my head. "Ruby and I need to go out on a hunt. We can't take you with us. Are you going to be ok here at the house while we're gone?"

"What about dinner?" I asked.

"We'll go out before we leave," Sam said. "Then drop you back off here. We'll be back later tonight, after you're in bed."

I sighed in disappointment, looking down at my feet. He was leaving me to go hunt with Ruby. "Sure," I said. "I can take care of myself for a couple of hours."


	6. Chapter 6 - Promises, Promises

I sat with my back to the wall and listened to the demon laughing, which ended abruptly. I heard Ruby say, "Not funny," and knew she had stabbed the demon with her knife.

This was the third demon in the last week. They'd go out and collect one, bring it back to the house after I was in bed, and then Sam would try to use his abilities on it, to kill it. I was supposed to stay in bed while he practiced, my doors and windows salted, for my safety. If I needed something, I was supposed to text or call either Sam or Ruby.

Like I'd ever call Ruby.

Tears dripped down my cheeks as I listened to them talk softly, cleaning up the mess. I knew the next thing they would do was go outside and bury the body. It was late enough that it might be light before they were back in the house, depending on whether they'd dug a hole for the body before they started. I scooted away from the wall and crawled into my bedroll, pulling the snowman close to me.

I was losing Sam to Ruby. Or rather, Ruby was stealing him from me. She was pulling all of his attention. He was going to her for help and advice, although not comfort, not yet. Eventually, I'd have nothing. Already, when she interrupted me, he'd stop listening to me and start listening to her. Sometimes he wouldn't even come back to me to find out what I'd been saying. It was frustrating and it made me mad.

I woke up to the sound of Sam and Ruby coming back into the house, their footsteps crossing the wooden floor. They started talking, at first too low to hear, but after a minute, I heard Sam say loudly, "What's wrong? Where do I start?" Then their voices dropped back off.

Not two minutes later, I heard Ruby moan. I scrambled out of the bedroll and pressed my ear hard against the wall. I heard it again, and that was not pain I was hearing. Yeah, I'd walked in on my parents before. I knew what that was.

Fresh tears stung my eyes. I pulled on jeans, a t-shirt, a hoodie, and my shoes. While I shoved my feet into my shoes, I caught a glimpse of my snowman. Sam had given it to me. Anger sparked. I picked up the snowman and threw it as hard as I could across the room, where it bounced off the wall and landed in the corner.

I stalked to the window in my room, already open halfway to let in the summer breeze, and brushed the salt off the window pane. I slid through the opening and took off into the dark woods.

It had been light for hours when I came back. I'd spent most of it walking around the lake in the woods, crying, and when I'd gotten tired, I'd sat on the grass and stared at the lake, moonlight sparkling across the ripples in the water. Eventually, I couldn't cry anymore, and when the day had warmed, I'd stripped down to my bra and underwear and gone for a swim.

One thought echoed through my brain over and over: Sam was having sex with Ruby. I'd lost him.

After I was done swimming, I lay in the morning sun and let it dry me. I put my clothes back on and moved into the shade. As the sun neared its zenith, I got to my feet and headed back to the house.

I slid through the window into my dark room. As I turned and my eyes adjusted to the light, I found Sam sitting in a chair next to my bedroll with his arms crossed in front of him and his eyebrows raised. I stopped.

"Where have you been, young lady?" he asked. Dread and relief warred within me. Dread because I was obviously in trouble, but relief because at least he'd noticed I was gone.

I nervously put my hands behind my back, and dragged one of my feet behind the other. "At the lake I told you about. I went for a swim after I woke up." Not precisely a lie, I told myself.

He held up my phone. "You didn't take this?"

I flushed. No, I'd left that behind quite deliberately. "I forgot it," I said. "Sorry."

"You're supposed to have your phone on you at all times. You got that rule when you got the phone," he said.

"I know," I said. "I'm sorry." The front door slammed and I jumped, looking towards the noise.

"Sam, I brought food!" Ruby yelled.

Sam got to his feet. "Ok, then. Don't do it again," he said to me. "And next time, leave a note or text when you leave the house." He raised his voice and hollered back to Ruby, "Ok! I'll be right there." Looking back at me, he said, "Come get some lunch," he said, and then he left the room, talking to Ruby the entire time.

I stared after him in shock, relief gone, dread rising up to consume me. That was it? I'd been gone for hours, _for hours_. I'd left the phone behind. I hadn't left a note. I'd gone swimming without letting him know, and this is what happens? A mild statement to not leave my phone at home again and to make sure to leave a note? No spanking?

_No spanking_?!

I sat down on my bedroll and swallowed against the rising tide of despair that was filling me. He didn't care about me. He hadn't even yelled at me. He'd just left me to go eat, to spend time with her.

"Jessie," Sam hollered. "Come have some lunch!" I got to my feet and trudged to the door, trying to swallow my feelings. I joined them at the table and grabbed a burrito from the bag that Ruby had brought. I didn't meet either of their eyes, but they were too busy talking to each other to really notice me. I watched them from beneath my bangs. They were working through what Sam had done last night when he'd failed to pull the demon from its host. I bit into my burrito, and it tasted like ashes in my mouth.

Three days later, before Ruby got there, I asked Sam if he would take me to the library or the bookstore in town.

"Sure, honey," he said absently, studying the newspaper. He had his laptop open too and was switching his attention between the newspaper and the laptop.

"When?" I asked, dropping into the chair next to him.

"Soon as Ruby gets here," he said.

I blinked. "I don't want to go with Ruby. I want to go with you," I said.

"You are going with me. Ruby's going to be there, too."

"Sam," I started.

"Jessie," he said, looking up from his computer, "we've seen some omens, and we need to look into it more."

"So?" I asked. "You're an expert. You don't need her to find demon omens." I pulled my knees up into the chair with me and wrapped my arms around them.

"I'm not arguing about this with you, young lady," Sam said, folding up the newspaper with jerked movements. I'd gotten to him. "Ruby is coming with us. Omens that Lilith is here are different than just normal demon omens."

"So just ask her what they are," I objected. "I don't understand why she has to be here all the time, with you, doing everything. I don't understand why I can't just have some time with you. I don't understand why you can't take the morning off and just take me to the god damned library!" I slammed my feet back on the floor and stood up so fast that the chair tumbled backwards. "I never get any time with you anymore. You never pay any attention to me. You just foist off hunting assignments. Jessie, study lock picking. Jessie, look up werewolves in this book. You haven't gone running with me in weeks!" I went to stomp past him to go to my room and he grabbed my arm.

"Jessie, calm down," he said. "I know you're upset. Ruby's new. Things have been going fast. I need her if I want to kill Lilith."

I lost it. "Why is she helping you? Why the fuck does she want to kill Lilith? It makes no sense. She's just using you, just like Dean said she would."

Sam dropped my arm. "Go to your room until you can calm down," he said.

"That's where I _was_ going," I snapped, "before you _stopped_ me. And it's not my damned room."

"Go," Sam said. "And stop pushing me or you'll be sorry."

My sight narrowed down to just him. "Why?" I asked coldly. "It's not like you're going to do anything."

Sam stood up and picked me up. I let him. I didn't fight. Relief flooded me, followed by a quick dose of adrenaline at the realization that I was probably in deep shit. He carried me into the room where my bedroll is and set me down. I looked up at him, waiting for him to say something to me, or to act, pressure pulsing in my head.

"You're glowing. Stay here until you calm down," he said. "Breathe. I'll call you when it's time to go." He turned and left the room, shutting the door after him.

I stared at the closed door, my breathing still heavy and quick. I'd pushed. I'd pushed so hard that Dean would have had me over his knee. I might have even been grounded.

Sam just let me. He just let me. What the fuck? Didn't he care? I sank into the bedroll and started crying with my knees pulled up to my chest, the pressure in my head fading. When I realized I wasn't going to be able to be quiet, I pulled the pillow onto my knees and buried my face in it, sobbing as softly as I could and hoping that the pillow would block out the noise.

I heard Ruby open the door and come in. Sam met her in the hall, and I could him through the door. "Jessie wants to go to town to the library and the used bookstore." I stopped crying and held my breath so I could hear them better.

"That's fine," Ruby said. "We were going to go anyway. Just bring her with us." Even the sound of her voice grated on my nerves.

"She threw a tantrum when I told her you were coming," he said, his voice getting a little softer as they passed in front of my door. "She's in there calming down right now."

"You still want to bring her?" Ruby asked.

"Of course I want to bring her," Sam said. I could barely hear him and I knew he was in the main room. "She's just overwrought. She's gone through a lot lately. She needs a break. Wait here and we'll go."

I heard his footsteps approaching the door and scrambled to my feet, dropping the pillow on the bedroll behind me. I wiped my face with my hands, but it wasn't enough. Sam opened the door and after taking one look at my face, he rushed over to me and pulled me into his arms. "It's ok, Jessie. Nothing's wrong. You just lost your temper and needed to calm down."

When his arms went around me, I started crying again. He held me to him and stroked my hair. "Jessie, what is it?"

"You don't care about me," I whispered. "You only care about her and revenge against Lilith."

"No, honey," he said. "I love you. I care about you."

"Then how come you don't spend any time with me. You spend it all with her!" I said. "You don't care if I run off without my phone or if I lose my temper and almost light the house on fire."

"I do care, honey," he said. He unwound my arms from around his waist and crouched down in front of me. "I want to spend time with you, but our timeline is short. If Lilith is closing in, we have to act fast. I need to learn as much as I can from Ruby. That's why she's around so much. It doesn't mean that I don't love you or don't care about you. As for the rest of it, things have been crazy lately. I thought maybe you could use a break. Ok?"

"Ok," I said. "Will you spend time with me after you kill Lilith? Without Ruby?"

"Yes," Sam said. "Of course."

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Ok."

"You ready to go to the library and the used bookstore and maybe get some lunch?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Ok, wash your face and we'll go," Sam said.


	7. Chapter 7 - An Uncertain Decision

"It's Lilith," Ruby said. My ears perked up from where I was sitting on the couch. I'd been pretending to read a book for the last hour as they'd finished piecing together signs of demon activity in the area. So far, they hadn't shooed me out, so my plan was working.

"Are you sure?" Sam asked.

"I'm positive," Ruby said. "All these omens, and these signs here. She's definitely here."

"We have to strike at her first," Sam said. He grabbed his jacked and pulled it on, zipping it up.

"Sam!" I objected. "You can't. You promised!" I got up and went into the kitchen to stand next to Ruby.

For once, Ruby agreed with me. She told him that he had to wait until he could get it right because he hadn't been too successful. Sam said he would use the knife instead. Ruby told him that he only had one shot, and he was the only one who could do it. She started to say that if Lilith killed Sam first, and then she stopped when she had a realization. My eyes shot to her, and I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You don't want to survive this," she said to him. "It's a kamikaze attack. You want to die fighting Lilith."

"Sam!" I said again, panic suffusing me. I took a step towards him, but he turned away.

"That's stupid," he said.

"You promised you wouldn't leave me," I said, tears coming to my eyes. I took another step towards him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jessie," Sam said. "Go to your room."

Go to my room? Yeah, I'd go to my room, all right. Without another word, I turned on my heel and stomped to the room where my bedroll was. I slammed the door shut behind me, crossed the room, and slid out the open window, hearing Ruby's raised voice from within the house as she tried to convince Sam not to get himself killed fighting Lilith.

I went to the Impala, opened the back door, and climbed in, huddling down in a ball behind Sam's seat. I was almost too big to do this, but not quite. I just had to hope he wouldn't see me there, and with how recklessly he was acting, it was entirely possible that he would miss me there behind the seat. And then I'd keep him from getting himself killed at Lilith's hands.

I heard the door to the house slam as Sam left and his footsteps approaching the car. I scrunched myself up as tight as I could behind the seat. He opened the front door and dropped into the driver's seat, starting the car.

I kept my breathing slow and steady for the ride to the house where Lilith was, careful not to move so as not to get caught. The ride was only about twenty minutes long, but it felt much longer than that. Every time Sam coughed or moved, I got a little shot of adrenaline.

Finally, he pulled over and got out of the car. I waited for him to walk away and then for a count of twenty. I climbed off the floor and looked outside the car. Sam was walking down the street in the bright summer sunshine. I kept an eye on him, watching until he turned the corner. Then I got out of the car, closing the door as quietly as I could, and hurried as fast as I could down the sidewalk without running. When I reached the corner, I hid behind a hedge and peeked around. He was still walking. Finally, he stopped and glanced at a house to his right. He went to the front door and went in.

I went around the corner at a full run, pushing the front door open as Ruby came out of the kitchen and slit the throat of one of the demons inside. Another demon had Sam shoved up against the wall, his arm against Sam's throat.

Ruby pushed that demon off of Sam and told him to take the girl and run. Sam grabbed the little girl that was sitting at the table, and then saw me. Anger swept across his face, but he brought the girl to me.

"Take her outside and back to the Impala," Sam said to me. I grabbed the girl's hand and led her outside, running with her all the way back to the Impala. We both climbed into the back seat.

"You ok," I asked her. She looked like she was about 8, maybe 9. Not that much younger than me. She nodded, not looking at me. She stared down the street in the direction we'd come from.

"I'm Jessie. What's your name?" I asked her to distract her.

"Sandi," she whispered.

"You live around here?" I asked.

She nodded. "My parents live three blocks that way." She pointed. I looked up the street and didn't see Sam coming. Maybe I could save some time and deliver her home. Plus, wouldn't it piss Sam off if we weren't here when he got done. I thought it would. I tightened my stomach against the ache there.

"Are they home right now?" I asked. Sandi nodded.

"Ok, let's take you there," I said. I climbed out of the car, and we walked the three blocks to her house. "What are you going to tell them?" I asked.

She shrugged.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Those two men came and locked my parents up in the basement. I don't even know if they're ok. Then they made me wear that dress and took me to that house to sit at the table until that guy showed up," she said, watching her fett as we walked. "He rescued me."

"He's good at that," I said. He wasn't good with me though, I thought. We'd reached her house. She dug a key out of a fake rock and opened the front door.

She led me to the basement door and we went downstairs to find her parents still tied up, zip strips and cotton cord.

"Sandi, go upstairs and get me a knife, ok?" I asked. "So I can free them." I bent down to work on the cord and had her dad mostly free by the time she came back. I used the paring knife she brought me to pop through the zip strips and the rest of the cord on her parents.

"Who are you?" the mom asked me while the dad hugged Sandi.

"Just here to get you out. I helped get Sandi away from those guys that tied you up," I said. I looked at Sandi. "If you're ok, please wait an hour before you call the cops, ok?" I turned and started climbing the stairs. My cell phone started ringing in my pocket, Sam's ringtone.

"Wait an hour and then call the cops, ok?" I asked again. They didn't answer me, too busy hugging each other in relief.

Once I was at the top of the stairs, I took off, running out the front door. My phone started ringing again and this time I answered it. "Hello?" I asked, jogging down the street.

"Where are you? I told you to go to the Impala." Sam said, his voice hard.

"I'm on my way back," I said. "I took Sandi home."

"Who?" Sam asked, sounding annoyed.

"The little girl you saved? Remember?" I asked snidely. I was proud of myself for being able to jog and talk at the same time.

"Jessie, I told you to go to the Impala!" Sam said. "Not take her home."

"Well, I'll be right there," I said. "Jesus." I turned the corner then and saw the Impala coming towards me. I waved at it. Sam pulled over, and I climbed into the back seat, shutting my phone. Ruby was in the front seat.

No one said anything. Sam started driving in silence back to the abandoned house. I sighed. Fine, if that was the way it was going to be... I slid over and leaned my back against the door behind Sam, staring out the opposite window.

After a minute, I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, and then burying my face. I imagined Dean saying, "Jessie, what the hell were you thinking?" and I started crying.

"Sam," Ruby said softly a couple of minutes later. I heard Sam sigh and it made me cry harder.

"Jessie," Sam started, pulling into the yard of the abandoned house. "It's going to be ok," he said. As he braked and before the car even stopped, I popped open the car door and ran into the house, going into the room with my bedroll and shutting the door behind me again. I saw the snowman in the corner and rescued him, brushing him off and clutching him to my chest as I dropped onto the bedroll and curled into a ball.

Sam knocked on my door.

"Go away," I said.

"Jessie, you can't break all of the rules and follow me on a hunt and expect me to go away," Sam said through the door.

Hope rose in me. I crushed it. "I can do anything I want," I whispered.

"I'm going for a walk. I'll be back in an hour," he said, still through the door, "and then you and I are going to have a little talk. Get yourself together, young lady."

The words fell dead on my ears. I didn't believe him. He'd broken all of promises to me. He promised to take care of me and he promised not to kill himself. He hadn't done the first and he'd tried to do the second, after promising me over and over, and who convinces him not to? A fucking demon.

I opened the door to my room and glanced out. Sam wasn't there and neither was Ruby. I went to the table in the kitchen and opened an old pizza box there, pulling out a crust. I had no salt, but maybe two out of three wouldn't be bad.

I only had a few minutes. It was early enough still that there was no fire in the fireplace. Screw it. No one gave a shit anyway. I opened my furnace and aimed it at the fireplace. The partially burned wood and the area about two feet around it lit up. I stayed connected to the fire and tossed the crust in. When it caught, I said, "Sacred Gabija, be satisfied." The tingling started as soon as I said the blessing, from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head, the entire time the crust burned, until the crust was gone. Then I pulled the fire back into me and locked it back into the furnace.

The floor was scorched but I'd done it. I sat down on the decrepit couch and pulled my feet up with me. I was so tired suddenly. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

_"I am pleased to see you again so soon, my priestess," Gabby said._

_I blinked. We were in a corn field this time, between the rows. Gabby sat in front of me, same clothing as normal in our dreams. The brown hair that came out of the back of her kerchief shone in the sun rising behind her. _

_"I want you to teach me, my goddess," I said. _

_"I need to see how deep your furnace is," she reminded me. "You must let me in."_

_I took a deep breath. Dean would be mad, but he wasn't around any longer, and Sam seemed to think it was better to cavort with a demon than to take care of me. Well, what's good for the gander is good for the goose, as my mom used to say. If he could fraternize with the enemy, so could I._

_"How do I do that?" I asked._

_She held her hand out to me and I took it… and screamed. It felt like she ripped the furnace door off its hinges and plunged a round, wire, chimney cleaning brush deep into it, threading it deeper and deeper within me. She scraped me raw with her invasion, the brush curling and curling. "You are so strong," she whispered. "You are truly meant to be my priestess." At last she stopped and pulled back out of me in a rush. I screamed again._

_Once she was out, the pain faded slowly until it was gone and I could breathe again. Even in my dream, my throat was sore from screaming. When I became aware of my surroundings again, I realized I was curled into a ball in the dirt. I panted for a moment and tried to even out my breathing before I pushed myself back into a sitting position. Putting my arms back around my stomach, I looked at the goddess. She looked pleased indeed._

_"I can teach you," she whispered. "There is so much I can teach you."_


	8. Chapter 8 - An Uncomfortable Situation

**Thanks again for reading and reviewing. This is the last chapter of the story for the Season 3 to 4 break. Season 4 is next! New story soon.**

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I woke up to Sam saying my name. I felt just as raw in real life as I had in the dream. I wondered if I was going to be able to light a fire before bed today, and then I remembered I'd seen Gabby. I'd definitely be able to light a fire, but it was probably going to hurt. The only time I'd hurt more was the time I'd almost burned myself out by holding in too much fire.

"Jessie," Sam said, bent over and snapping his fingers in front of my face.

I swatted at him. "I'm fine," I snapped.

His eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened. "I know you're fine," he said. "I can see you're fine and you've been acting out for the last week. It stops now."

I glared at him and turned my head away, "Whatever," I said, refusing to look at him.

He sat down on the couch and pulled me over his lap.

"What the…?" I said as he brought his hand down on my butt. "Ow!... Ow! Sam, stop!"

"I don't think so, young lady," he said, bringing his hand down on my jean-clad butt over and over. I wiggled, trying to escape him. I hadn't expected this! I'd expected him to scold me and disappear with Ruby again. "I think that you've been pushing me away ever since Ruby came around, and I've been letting you do it." His hand just kept falling and I was already having trouble following him. My butt felt like it was on fire.

"You see, young lady, I was trying to give you some time to adjust, to grieve, to get used to it just being me. I was trying to offer comfort instead of punishment, but it didn't work. You keep pushing and pushing until you end up here, over my knee, don't you?" He stopped spanking. "Get up and drop your jeans," he said.

"Sam," I pleaded, not moving. I wasn't crying yet, more in shock. My butt was stinging and I could tell he had barely stared. He nudged me.

"Move," he said. I climbed off his lap and struggled with the button on my jeans until he knocked my hands away in impatience, unbuttoned my jeans, yanked them down, and pulled me back over his lap.

"Sam!" I said. "I'm sorry!" His hand descended.

"Sorry? Which thing are you sorry for? Disappearing for hours in the middle of the night without your phone to run around the lake and go swimming? Being rude to me over and over? Disobeying every order I give and when you're not disobeying, being snide about them? How about sneaking into Impala and going on a hunt when you were told to stay in your room? Disappearing without a word to take Sandi home when I told you to go to the car? Which one are you sorry for?" His hand just kept falling. I couldn't think anymore. My breath was catching and I was close to tears, but there was no way I was crying for him, not after the hell he'd put me through, ignoring me for Ruby, trying to get himself killed after he promised he wouldn't leave me. His hand fell again and my breath hitched.

"Which one, young lady?" he asked me again.

My anger sparked. "All of it, god damn you! But mostly because you caught me!" I yelled, fighting to keep the tears from starting. He was pretending to care, but I couldn't believe it, couldn't trust it, even though I wanted to more than anything in the world.

He stopped suddenly, and I sagged in disappointment. I give him any fight back at all and he's done with me. "Go get me the hairbrush," he said.

I froze. Sam with the hairbrush was scary as fuck. "What?" I asked, trying to buy myself some time.

"I said, go get me the hairbrush. Right now," he said. He picked me up off his lap and set me on my feet. I stared at him. He turned me around and landed another swat on my reddened butt. "Move."

I stepped out of my jeans, leaving them in a pile on the floor, and went to my clothes bag to dig out the wooden hairbrush. Then I stood there staring at it. I didn't understand what was going on. Why after all these days did he suddenly care about whether or not I was obeying? It didn't make sense.

"Jessie, get your ass back here. You have to the count of three. One." I ran. I was back to him as he said, "Two." He took the hairbrush from my hand and upended me back over his lap. Without a pause, he brought the hairbrush down on my butt. It stung like a motherfucker on my already sore bottom. I gasped and fought harder against the tears.

"What I'd really like to hear from you," Sam said as he spanked, more slowly now, "is what the hell you thought you were doing? Why did you decide to do all of those things? Huh, Jessie? Running off, disobedience, rudeness, going on a hunt when you're told not to? Why?" He paused, waiting for an answer as I struggled against myself. He brought the hairbrush down hard on the spot where my butt meets my thigh and said again, "Why?!"

It was my undoing. I started sobbing, hard. I buried my head in my arms and cried and cried. After a few seconds, I said, "You! You left me! You stopped paying attention to me because of Ruby! You didn't care what I did! You barely listened to me. You didn't notice me and you didn't say anything when I did stuff you told me not to. I don't know why you're doing it now! I don't understand!" I cried into my arms and he slid his arm under my ribcage and gently picked me up to hold me in his lap.

He shifted me until I was pressed against his chest. I grabbed his shirt in my fist, the buttons digging into my hand, and buried my face into his shoulder while he held me. He rocked me a little. "I'm so sorry, Jessie," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "I'm so sorry. I thought that you needed space and I thought I was going to die. Just like Dean said, I didn't want your last memories of me to be bad ones. I was wrong. You needed me and I left you alone. I'm sorry. I promise; it won't happen again. It doesn't matter that Ruby is helping me. I'm here for you. You are so important to me, honey. Do you forgive me?"

I was still crying, my body shaking. I wasn't sure if I believed him, if I could trust him, but I wanted to. I wanted to so badly, and I did forgive him. Even if he'd messed up, he loved me and he was my Sam, my uncle, family. "I forgive you," I whispered.

"I love you," Sam said. "And I'm new to this. I've never had to take care of someone before all by myself, and I made a mistake. It's not going to be my last, but I'm sorry I did it, and I promise that the next time, I'll be sorry too."

I looked up at his chin. "I love you, too. I'm sorry I was so bad," I said.

He hugged me. "I forgive you, too," he said. He looked down at me. "Clean slate?" he asked.

I nodded. "Clean slate," I said. I wiped my face and he helped me sit up. I slid off his lap and picked my jeans up off the floor. "I'm tired, Sam," I said softly.

"I'll tuck you in for a nap." Sam said, getting to his feet and taking my other hand. He led me to my bedroll. I tossed my jeans at my clothes bag and Sam tucked me in.

I reached for him, and he hugged and kissed me. "I'll wake you up in a couple of hours for dinner, ok?" he asked. I nodded. Then he said, "Ruby will be here then and we'll go with her." I swallowed against a sudden ache in my stomach. I was going to have to trust him, or at least try to trust him. He said he wouldn't shove me aside for her again. I wanted to believe him and the only way I was going to know for sure is if I gave him a chance.

"Ok," I said. I closed my eyes.

_Back in the field, Gabby smiled at me, "My priestess, what would you like to learn first?" _

_I took a deep breath and thought of Sam and Ruby. "Control," I said._


End file.
